Burger and Lobster

Burger or lobster? With only two (well, three actually - the lobster also comes in the form of a lobster roll) items on the menu, even the most indecisive diner should take no more than 10 minutes to decide on their dinner. You'll probably spend at least that much time waiting in line anyway (the Soho branch only takes reservations for groups of 6 or more, and we only had 4 in our party that night). 

Once in, we were greeted by a supermodel-attractive hostess, who pointed us to a bar staffed by more frighteningly-attractive people. We ordered some cocktails and waited for a table. In contrast to the succinct  food menu, the drinks menu offered a positively novel-like two pages of beer, wine and cocktails. I didn't write down what we got though, and as it was a few weeks ago, I can't actually remember. It was peachy and pretty strong though. Anyway, when you go to a place called 'Burger and Lobster', you're hardly likely to be there for the drinks, are you?

And there you have it, the main event. If you're wondering why there are no photos of the burgers, it's because none of us ordered it. Three of us ordered the grilled lobster, and one had a pizza before coming to join us so spent the whole dinner drinking beer. In fact, on the way to our table, we had a sneaky peek at the other diners, and couldn't see one burger in the whole dining room. I guess the answer to my opening question would have to be a resounding 'LOBSTER!' that night. 

While our party opted for the messy delight of a whole lobster, quite a number of diners seemed to prefer the neater option of a lobster roll, with the meat conveniently picked out and mixed with mayo, then placed in a bun. Our lobsters came on a huge platter, with a heap of salad on the side, as well as hot chips and a garlicky butter sauce perfect for dunking the lobster in. And the lobster itself? Perhaps surprisingly (I wasn't hoping for much given it was only £20 for a lobster and sides), it was delightfully sweet and succulent, with a wonderful firmness to it. The other guys did well by finishing up everything on their plate, but I let the side down as usual by leaving half of my chips and a bit of the salad. No dessert for me, obviously...

However, if you feel like you have some room left for dessert after devouring the monster from the depths, hail one of the (obviously goodlooking) waiters and ask them for some ice cream. We didn't have any, but the couple beside us seemed to be more than pleased with theirs. 

Burger and Lobster

36 Dean Street

Soho, London

W1D 4PS

Duck and Waffle

Happy New Year, peeps! Now that the festivities are over and we're back to our usual (grumpy) selves, let's rewind back a few weeks to the Friday before Christmas, when I met up with the Bake Club crew for an apocalyptic meal at Duck and Waffle. We decided on the venue purely because of it's status as London's highest restaurant - a good view of the proceedings is necessary if you're watching the world end.

Getting up to the venue was akin to being in a SuperMario game - first you have to get past the scary dragon (a Jonathan Ross-alike doorman without the rhotacism but armed with an enormous clipboard), then board the lift for the flight up to the 40th floor (rather exciting and earpopping), then get looked up and down by a black-clad, sylph-like figure, before finding your way through the labyrinth (of tables and much too cool and shiny diners) and finally ending up at the table where the rest of your motley crew awaits. Don't forget to collect your mushrooms on the way!

Spicy ox-cheek doughnut with apricot jam

Raw scallop with apple, lime and black truffle

Carlingford rock oysters served with lemon, Tabasco sauce and red wine vinaigrette 

Rosemary and garlic bread

Let us start with the starters. We were intrigued by the ox-cheek doughnut, which isn't something you see on menus everywhere. I don't remember much about the taste of the meat itself, except that it was tender and went very well with the sweet jam. I must try and seek out ox-cheek more often. The sliced scallop came beautifully presented on a block of pink Himalayan salt. However, the apple that came with the scallop was bland and had the texture of styrofoam. Styrofoam - good for finishing up school projects, not so much for eating. Fotunately, the generously-sized oysters helped redeem the seafood section's pride. Bread...I don't remember much about you, except that you looked like a focaccia and was nicely chewy.

Cornish fish stew - fish of the day with baby vegetables

Angus burger with Gruyere, onion jam and chips

I didn't taste the Angus burger, although the general reception from the others seemed to have been positive, so if you're the type who goes for burgers, go for it. It's probably a good choice. The fish stew was the priciest item on the menu, but was bountifully filled with fish and vegetables. I intend to revisit the place just so I can order it and have it all to myself.

Duck and waffle - confit of duck leg, waffle, duck egg and maple syrup

And now to the eponymous duck and waffle dish - a confit of duck leg, served with a waffle, fried sunny side  up duck egg, and ranekin of maple syrup. The skin was salty and crispy, just the way I like it. However, my enthusiasm was slightly dampened when I discovered the meat wasn't fall-off-the-bone tender. In fact, a knife had to be used to encourage it off the bone! (I know...how devastating.) My preference is towards a fork-tender confit - it means much less work for the lazy and is also much easier to handle for the clumsy. The egg was perfectly cooked though, and went nicely with the waffle and maple syrup. I've actually been thinking of getting myself a waffle iron after that meal, just so I can breakfast on fried eggs and maple syrup. It seems like it might be just the right meal for lazy weekend mornings.

Also, here's a view of the kitchen if you fancy that sort of stuff. Their waitstaff are generally on the goodlooking end of the spectrum, if that sort of thing interests you. You eat with your eyes, and all that...

Duck and Waffle

Heron Tower

110 Bishopsgate

London EC2N 4AY

Gymnastics

Guess who went to the Olympics last Sunday? Yes, yes I did, thanks to a very generous friend. He invited me the gymnastic finals, which took place at the O2 instead of the more hyped-up Olympic Park. Good thing too, as being among hordes of people always drive me into slightly hyperventilate-y mode, and the O2 wasn't as crowded.(Fun fact - did you know that tickets to Olympics events cost around £1229857 each?)

It was everything I expected of an Olympic event. There was...Drama! Shocked gasps! Spandex! Sparkles! Extremely fit athletes! Lots of chalk dust! Duchess Kate!

And a very tall fish burger for lunch, as seen above. It was...unexciting. Also, a very well-dressed Japanese fan with a large sign covered in shiny red tinsel. Louis Smith may have got silver in the pommel horse, but he's a definite gold in the looks department (you have to imagine me saying that with a big pervy wink on my face). 

Rustlers Flame Grilled BBQ Rib

Remember this? Well, I didn't die from it, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

It clearly also makes you a lot dumber, because when the Mancreature and I saw this Rustlers Flame Grilled BBQ Rib on sale at the Sainsbury's for 92p last week, we reached out and put one in our basket.

And it sat in the darkened confines of the fridge for a week, til we came back from Manchester yesterday morn with nary a bite to eat. So we reached for the old microwave burger.

Picture of the burger on the packaging - with lettuce

It says 'Use by 18 Jul' on the box but I'm pretty sure that's only a recommendation, not a rule. Notice the succulent green lettuce nestling under the juicy pork patty in the picture?

Actual burger, out of its box - no lettuce :(

This is what it actually looked like, out of it's plastic preservation chamber. No shiny meatwedge, no crisp lettuce.

BBQ Sauce

But hey, that's all fine, because there's a packet of BBQ sauce nestled under the bun! The uncooked burger was fridge-cold and had a sort of grey colour to it, which the makers had probably tried to disguise by giving it black 'grill marks'.

Unnuked burger

Suspicious black spots on the bun

Oh, and there were also these strange black bits all over the inside of the bun, I know not what they were. 'Grill marks' again, perhaps?

Nuked burger, with shiny sauce

The Mancreature put his manly talents to good use by chucking the whole shebang into the microwave and nuking it...2 minutes or so. I think that's what the instructions say. He then ripped apart the bag o' BBQ sauce with his strong arms and slathered it all over the processed pork wedge, before slicing the whole thing into half.

Sharing is caring, indeed.

Open your mouth for the choo-choo meat train!

Nom-nomming

And then I ate it. I ate it good. I showed it who's boss and destroyed the thing like I hadn't eaten for about 20 hours! Which I hadn't.

Bleeding innards

And the verdict? You know how, sometimes, when you're really hungry, the first thing you get to eat will taste really really good, because you've been so hungry that you've nearly forgotten what food tasted like? Well, it wasn't like that with this burger. I felt quite ashamed of myself, like I was back in churchie school and had done something bad. During chapel time. I wanted to go wash myself after eating this burger. I had a biscuit instead.

Feaster's 100% Beef Quarter Pounder With Cheese

Anticipation

Ever had a 79p microwave burger?

Up until last Saturday, I hadn't, either. I think I know now why.

Actually, it was down from £1.69, which was one of the reasons I was tempted to get it. I think I get a little excited whenever I see things that cost less than they should.

It looked safe enough, in a generic burger way, like one you'd order from a greasy spoon. Except it was in a coffin (sorry, I meant box) with microwave instructions on it.

Getting undressed

It's a UFO! Someone call the UFO Hunters!

The beef was precooked, and looked very upset that it had been confined to a tiny box like it was being punished. The box also came with a pre-wrapped slice of plastic cheese, and a little sachet of tomato sauce. You put the cheese into the burger, then pop the burger into the microwave and nuke it for a couple of minutes.

Plastic cheese

Sachet o' sauciness

I tried to take a shot of the burger spinning in the microwave, bathing in irradiation, but it's surprisingly tough to do that with a point-and-shoot digital camera. I really wanted to show you my microwave coz it's called a Cockworks. It's right there on the front window, so I assume that's the brand. I'll put a photo of it up another time.

Naked meat

Saucy naked meat

Once the microwave goes 'ping', you're supposed to pour the tomato sauce over the burger, and then start feasting! If your idea of feasting is to snack on an irradiated quarter-pounder, I guess. The Manfriend and I split our burger into half, because sharing is caring. And because that way, we'd only get half as sick.

The money shot - Check out that sexy grey meat!

Overjoyed

Lovin' it

Verdict: Can't you tell how much we're enjoying it just by looking at our expressions?

Actually, it wasn't horrible - but then, I was preparing myself for chewy, grisly grossness, which it wasn't. It was just very, very...average. Which is sometimes a lot worse than being gross. I haven't had a Macca's burger for at least 10 years, but that's kind of what it reminded me of. The meat tasted as grey as it looked. The whole thing tasted like microwave. Just...depressingly average. At least if it was horrible, I could've got excited about it. But it wasn't. It just tasted beige and made me want to eat something else after that.

The Manfriend claims that the burger was 'delish'. But he was playing Spore on his iPhone at the time and didn't want to concern himself with something as trivial as talking about food.

I reckon if you were starving and needed to eat something RIGHT NOW or pass out/ throw a tantrum, it's much better to make a slice of toast or even have some ice cream, than to have this. It's not even like it's truly a lazy person's meal, coz you have to actually OPEN the box, PEEL the slice of cheese, NUKE it, and then sauce it. To many steps. With ice cream, all you have to do it open the freezer, then open the tub. Ice cream usually wins.