Feaster's 100% Beef Quarter Pounder With Cheese

Anticipation

Ever had a 79p microwave burger?

Up until last Saturday, I hadn't, either. I think I know now why.

Actually, it was down from £1.69, which was one of the reasons I was tempted to get it. I think I get a little excited whenever I see things that cost less than they should.

It looked safe enough, in a generic burger way, like one you'd order from a greasy spoon. Except it was in a coffin (sorry, I meant box) with microwave instructions on it.

Getting undressed

It's a UFO! Someone call the UFO Hunters!

The beef was precooked, and looked very upset that it had been confined to a tiny box like it was being punished. The box also came with a pre-wrapped slice of plastic cheese, and a little sachet of tomato sauce. You put the cheese into the burger, then pop the burger into the microwave and nuke it for a couple of minutes.

Plastic cheese

Sachet o' sauciness

I tried to take a shot of the burger spinning in the microwave, bathing in irradiation, but it's surprisingly tough to do that with a point-and-shoot digital camera. I really wanted to show you my microwave coz it's called a Cockworks. It's right there on the front window, so I assume that's the brand. I'll put a photo of it up another time.

Naked meat

Saucy naked meat

Once the microwave goes 'ping', you're supposed to pour the tomato sauce over the burger, and then start feasting! If your idea of feasting is to snack on an irradiated quarter-pounder, I guess. The Manfriend and I split our burger into half, because sharing is caring. And because that way, we'd only get half as sick.

The money shot - Check out that sexy grey meat!

Overjoyed

Lovin' it

Verdict: Can't you tell how much we're enjoying it just by looking at our expressions?

Actually, it wasn't horrible - but then, I was preparing myself for chewy, grisly grossness, which it wasn't. It was just very, very...average. Which is sometimes a lot worse than being gross. I haven't had a Macca's burger for at least 10 years, but that's kind of what it reminded me of. The meat tasted as grey as it looked. The whole thing tasted like microwave. Just...depressingly average. At least if it was horrible, I could've got excited about it. But it wasn't. It just tasted beige and made me want to eat something else after that.

The Manfriend claims that the burger was 'delish'. But he was playing Spore on his iPhone at the time and didn't want to concern himself with something as trivial as talking about food.

I reckon if you were starving and needed to eat something RIGHT NOW or pass out/ throw a tantrum, it's much better to make a slice of toast or even have some ice cream, than to have this. It's not even like it's truly a lazy person's meal, coz you have to actually OPEN the box, PEEL the slice of cheese, NUKE it, and then sauce it. To many steps. With ice cream, all you have to do it open the freezer, then open the tub. Ice cream usually wins.